Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Harder then No

Remember as a kid wanting to go to a friends house or eating just one more cookie and mom saying firmly "NO!" No was a disappointing answer. Still is, doesn’t matter who says no a boss, life, God. No means we don’t get our way, depending on the desire/dream it might even be depressing.

I thought that having God or life say no was the hardest thing, the whole process of letting go and moving on. I was wrong. The unknown is harder then a "known no". With a "no" you do have a chance to move on. With an unknown you have no clue. Life and the future are a mystery. It means waiting…and waiting…and waiting. I am not good at waiting. Patience is not a virtue I possess.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Beauty of Endurance

Long distance running has become one of the most spiritual things in my life. It has been teaching me the beauty of endurance. There are these moments of insight that would not happen from a sprint. Running helps clear my head, and show me the world from a different perceptive. The lessons seem to change each time I run. It’s hard to express, but then as a friend recently pointed out the things in life that matter the most are the hardest to explain.

This past month I’ve had a hard time running constantly (poop on allergies, asthma, illness and cold weather). This week has been the first time I’ve been out regularly. Last night’s run was hard, harder then hard -it was brutal! My throat and lungs felt like fire. In agony I repeated asked myself why was I doing this? Why was I purposefully causing myself pain?

The answer came in the finial 50 meters. Not sure where the energy came from but I was able to "kick it" the last bit…not a full out sprint, but I felt like I was flying. It was a beautiful moment. It was freedom. I felt truly alive, fully awake, refreshed and new. As I ended the thought hit me "This is why I run. The pain and sacrifice is worth the freedom." Seems a truth that passes just running, into every area of my life.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Out of the Loop

I wouldn’t call myself musical. I can’t carry a tune in a bucket, can’t play an instrument. I never really know what’s going on in the music world. Yet music is still a large part of my life. There is always some song running through my head on automatic repeat. Sadly right now it is normally "I’m a little teapot" or some other pre-school song. I catch myself writing little tunes. Nothing fancy mined you, they are a preschool level. The latest song is "up the stairs we go we go, up the stairs we go" never going to be a top ten. But my students like it.

All that to say I like music. But I really feel out of the music loop, I have no idea who’s new, what’s popular or good, especially what in relationship to worship. I feel a need to branch out and learn new music-band-song-type-stuff but not sure where to start. Anyone got suggestions?

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Words of Wisdom

"Pride comes before the fall --then there's puking"
-Ken, my first youth pastor

Monday, November 14, 2005

10 To Go

So this was what I was reading last month. There are a few still be added. I am a bookworm.

26 Pocket Full of Rye –Agatha Christy
27 A Boy Called It –Dave Pelzer
28 Lost Boy –Dave Pelzer
29 A Man Called Dave –Dave Pelzer
30 Mere Christianity –C.S. Lewis
31 At the Back of the North Wind –George MacDonald
32 A murder is announced –Agatha Christy
33 The Summons –John Gresham
34 Wind –Calvin Miller
35 Shade –Calvin Miller
36 The Broker –John Gresham
37 Out of the Silent Planet –CS Lewis
38 The Story of Doctor Dolittle –Hugh Lofting
39 Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone –JK Rowling
40 Perelandra –CS Lewis

Monday, November 07, 2005

The Hindrances

aka Community part 3

We have a hard time defining an “ideal Christian fellowhip” because we recognise that this world is a mess. It has been ingrained in our minds that we can not obtain “perfection”…it is impossible (at least this on this side of life). What hinders us from having deep, honest, trusting fellowship? The Fall? The fact that sin entered the world and marred everything that was good. The world is not as it should be therefore our relationships are not what they were meant to be.

It is true…but it is such a broad sweeping statement. Is it possible to go deeper? What hinders good fellowship? I realise as I ask this it might be painful, because I must look in the mirror to see what keeps me from reaching out in love.

The great hindrances are: my own fears. Fear hinders me back from trusting. Fear to impress hinders me from admitting weaknesses and areas I struggle in. Fear keeps me from reaching out to others because it is a risk; there is a chance that I could be hurt. The heart of all my fears is selfishness. What do you think are the greatest hindrances…or could add?