Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Paused

It feels like a giant invisible pause button has been hit in my head.

This past February I started an internal adventure in asking questions and seeking God. It was bit overwhelming -but in a good way. It was like a crisis in faith but more in the sense that the questions were calling me to dig deeper. Even the act of framing the questions was challenging. By March it seemed my head was turning to goo. Mid-April I was comfortable enough to post that I was in a mind-gooifying place and my my head was very full. It felt like the question asking had just begun. And then the pause button was hit.

It happened innocently enough -Easter came. Extra task were added. Schedules changed. Then summer plans needed to be made. Programs had to be developed. Life got full in new ways. My weekly schedule got flipped all around and everything else was thrown off. The space and time for thinking, reflecting, mulling, and journaling were gone. And the questioning was placed on the back burner.

It has been more than three months and that concerns me. I miss all the questions and the asking, seeking, meaningful journaling they caused. I see how it happened the "doing" was important. While the pondering might not seem an immediate concern the lack of journling and seeking is disconcerting to me. The questions are about were about the core of who I am and what I believe and need to be answered.

I've considered that maybe my minds just needed the break and let the thoughts simmer. Either way, I think the break has been long enough. I would like to start thinking in those ways again. I'm just not sure where to start or if I am readying for the internal conflict seeking always seems to create but I am going to try.

2 comments:

Nuchtchas said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nuchtchas said...

if you do start dissecting these questions, I'd love to read your thoughts on them.

How to start questioning? No clue, just know it's OK to question