I didn't want to go tonight; I get like that sometimes where I just don't want to go to something I must attend. I wanted to be home tonight reading a book, or having a cup of tea, or taking a nap, or a bath, or some wonderful combination of all the above. I did not want to be out at Rally in the Valley (a monthly interdenominational youth worship service).
This wasn't first time I haven't "wanted to go". It started in college, normally on a Wednesday after supper about an hour before my weekly girls' discipleship/Bible study group (D-group) I would be overwhelmed with rebellious anti-event feelings. I just wouldn't want to go; the same feeling I had this afternoon. Sometimes the feelings would come before a chapel service, or even the day before D-group. I would not want to go…but I would go because I felt I needed to go and I hated filling in bad worship attendance forms. So I went somewhat grudgingly but went I did.
Here's the thing, the stronger I didn't want to go the better the event was. When I most felt like skipping were the times the most good happened, (almost like someone or something didn't want receive the good). It was those services or events that hurts were healed, spiritual steps were taken, growth happened, commitments were made. I even remember thinking more than once as I walked back to my dorm "wow, I am so glad I hadn't listened to my feelings and skipped ________ (whatever event/thing I hadn't wanted to go to)."
Tonight was no different. Tonight good happened. Earlier this week I was asked if I would pray for Haiti and the offering that was taken up. The organizers (I'm part of the group that plans these events. Another reason I needed to go) had agreed that all of the offering would go to help with earthquake relief. The prayer time was the closest I've felt to the heart of God in awhile (been in a season of silence) it felt good and connect and like choices I had made this week were lined up with God's will even though that wasn't what I was praying about. And I felt connected to God's people…cool, eh? Not only that, the group gave $450 (Canadian) to help Haiti. That is more than double what our offering normally is.
I didn't want to go tonight…but going is what I needed.