I enjoy participating in the Sunday Scribbling weekly prompts. It's a fun way for me to focus on a bit of Abby's adventures in Eldamar. As I was looking at the past prompts today I realized I've missed posting five. I began to wonder why. I like writing...but, and this is where it gets tricky. How do I explain this "but"?
I like writing but..."hate writing." The sentence might be finished and feels true some days. It is not the full truth. I don't always like writing but I enjoy when I write. I enjoy the sounds of the keys clicking away. I enjoy watching words fill pages. I enjoy the moments when I craft and then re-craft a paragraph till if fully bring my ideas and concepts to life. What I hate is when finding the words is like pulling teeth. So...
I like writing but..."hate writer's block"? This might be closer to what I want to express but not quite there. I don't actually believe in writer's block. Even when I've been staring at a blank page stumped about what to say I have at some level know what I wanted to say. The concepts were in my mind and I knew approximately what I wanted to say. I just didn't I stared at my computer and allowed my self to be distracted by facebook or something equally silly. So...
I like writing but..."I procrastinate." This is true but it is only a symptom. There are times I want to write and I just don't. I have stories that I want to put on paper and just haven't. I like to write but it takes forever because the truth is I am scared. I'm scared that the words aren't going to come out right, or there will be mistakes, or that what I am trying to say got lost in the process. But my biggest fear is that none of those fears will happen and I share something I've written (be it a letter, a blog, a story, or even just an email) and it just won't be good enough.
I hate adding "enough" because it shows insecurities and seems shallow. Yet when I am honest with myself I put off writing because I am afriad it won't be good enough, not that I am exactly sure what would make it "good enough" or who would rate the writing.
Fear isn't the only reason I haven't been posting as much as I'd like. Things have been busy at the church and when I'm not there I like to see friends, go to movies, watch TV, and read. So I guess I also need balance. Some things don't change. For now here links to short stories based on April prompts I missed:
*I heard Corinne Leigh of Thread Banger use the phrase "feed two birds with one worm" and liked it so I borrowed it because it gave me a Jess Point. Some day I'll blog about my imaginary Jess Points. (Sooner if people are interested so leave a comment).